things are bad all over, even in kentucky

my dad was quite an eeyore.

our extended family lived in florida when i grew up, and my dad would often elucidate lengthy lists of complaints about the state of the state, and indeed, nearly any other place in the world, always ending with a wish to return to one nirvanic location.

if only he could be in his home state of kentucky, all of his problems would be solved.

apparently at some point my grandmother, who was tough enough for chicago speakeasies and whose biting wit lives on in me, had enough, and told him “things are bad all over, even in kentucky.”

no doubt with her offhand glance that would ice over hell.

the marriage to my mother lasted about a year.

the family saying lives on to this day.

happy 25th anniversary!

…to queerspace.com. i’m rather proud of being prescient enough to figure out how register a url in 1998, and hand-code a website. you can see the old site at archive dot org (sadly no archive of the first two years).

it’s a boring ass wordpress site now, and it’s a miracle if you are reading this as the site has a nofollow tag to block search engines.

take a moment though and click around. there’s some cool stuff here.

oldfashioned101.com

i was gobsmacked to see that my all time favorite site on the web is no longer up and running.

thankfully we have archive.org to preserve such things.

if you don’t want to bother to click through, here is the tl;dr:

old fashioneds do not have fruit of any kind. it’s sugar, bitters, and the whiskey of your choice. if you must have ice (and why would you…dilution!) it should be one large cube that fills the entire glass.

https://web.archive.org/web/20150102001057/http://oldfashioned101.com/

sleep tracking

never used to get insomnia, but now i occasionally do. last night, got about two hours of sleep.

the sleep tracker on my apple watch says I got seven hours.

i’m going with that.

It’s pesto day!

You have to be tough to make it in my yard.

For one thing, we live in the inner city, in a row home, with a tiny backyard. Lots of squirrels, feral cats, spotted lantern flies, and various other hardy and unidentified critters.

But we do our best to make it individual and beautiful. And completely low maintenance. It’s all river rock, so no grass and no mowing. There are many perennial herbs, annual flowers responsible for reseeding themselves, a big rhubarb plant, black raspberry vines, a huge Russian sage plant that attracts floods of bees (My sage! Brings all the bees to the yard!) There’s a rudimentary drip irrigation system that we hook up to a garden hose.

And a four-by-four raised bed garden. We always get a head start with volunteer tomato plants from last year, and Swiss chard that’s at least two years old and never seems to die. To that we add indeterminate heirloom tomato plants from Countryside Nursery, with attempts at a couple of other things that never seem to work.

And a few types of complementary basil.

It gets used frequently in summertime cooking. Quite often it’s layered between sliced tomatoes, olive oil, balsamic, and mozzarella for a light dinner. And in early to mid September, when the weeds are starting to take over, we cut back most of it, sit around the patio table, pick and wash the leaves.

Then it comes inside and I make fresh pesto for the year. It gets whirred in an ancient food processor in batches, put into ice cube trays, frozen, and bagged in gallon Ziplocs.

The recipe? Don’t have one. I have a list of ingredients though. Basil, olive oil, Parmesan, garlic, walnuts. I can’t afford pine nuts in that quantity, so it’s nearly always walnuts. Some years it was deluxe unsalted mixed nuts (no peanuts – that would be total heresy and I know I’m skirting the nut line anyway). This year our new Lidl grocery store (Do you have one? Best store ever) had huge bags of whole walnuts for $4 and change. Score.

So today was pesto day. It’s so relaxing. The leaf picking and washing is meditative. The entire process is relaxing and mindful. I feel linked to hundreds (thousands?) of years of people doing the same thing.

And, soon, I’ll probably break out the hand-crank pasta machine.

No Italian heritage, yet I feel a connection.

my news sources

over the years i’ve come to rely on a few key sources to get my news. some of them are algorithm-based, and some are curated by humans. i think it’s important to not be in a self-reinforcing bubble and i tend to not go to major media as a starting point, as there can be a bias stemming from the stories they choose to cover and feature. i like exercising my critical thinking skills.

here they are, with a few notes of explanation.

memeorandum.com – this is my go to site for news. it’s mainly algorithm-based with a limited human touch, and surfaces news topics that are currently in vogue. they link to everything from the ny times and washington post to breitbart and the daily caller.

joemygod.com – curated by joe jervis, this is a left-leaning compendium of current news from an lgbt perspective.

nextdraft.com – dave pell is the self-styled “editor of the internet” and his daily email newsletter compiles his top ten topics of the day. always clever and entertaining, and for my money he does the best job from the standpoint of curation. subscribe to the daily email at the link.

daringfireball.net – a combination of news about apple, tech, and current events from john gruber, a thinker i’ve come to respect.

do you have any favorites? let me know if the comments.

you came! welcome! thank you!

chances are you clicked over from my “goodbye facebook” post. this is queerspace.com, an off-and-on project of mine since 1998. there’s oodles of crap to explore. click around, or try these links to get started:

to register with the site: https://www.queerspace.com/wp-login.php?action=register

a very typical queerspace story: https://www.queerspace.com/2006/08/24/mosquito-trucks-ddt-clouds-and-me/

a very popular page: https://www.queerspace.com/kirk-jamies-wedding/our-hedwig-wedding-rings/

thanks for stopping by! have fun : )

girl scout cookies

kid at grocery store exit: “would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?”

no

mom: “would you like to help make food bank donations possible?”

hell no.

but a+ for creativity.

i’m on tilde.club!

years ago (five? more?) i ran across

https://www.tilde.club

…a throwback web community where you logged in via ssh (using terminal on the mac) to make text-only web pages. i requested an invite and promptly forgot all about it.

in mid-september of this year i got in! talk about a delay.

anyway they provided pretty good instructions for a noob like me. i followed their clear directions, set up a public/private key, logged in via terminal, and copied/pasted my hand-coded html index file (tweaked a bit to strip out graphics) from september of 2004. i keep nearly everything that’s digital – i have saved many versions of the old site. i throw out most physical items. my hoarding is in bytes, not house space. i digress. the result is at:

https://tilde.club/~jahimword/

WordPress Facebook Link Image Refresh

I wanted to update the link image that Facebook uses for one of my websites (TWSS.tv) which runs WordPress, and it sent me down a rabbit hole.

Here’s what I did to force Facebook to update that pesky thumbnail:

• Turn off my caching plug-in (for me it was WP Super Cache)

• Added a featured image to my sticky post on the front page (an option when editing the post if your theme supports it)

• Added and enabled the plug-in OG (this step was necessary for me to override the default Jetpack image which I couldn’t figure out how to refresh)

• Went to the Facebook developer’s site (https://developers.facebook.com/tools/debug/sharing/), debugged, and refreshed the image

• Reenabled the caching plug-in

• Success!

Hope this helps someone 🙂

Cutting the cord

Led by Kirk in 2001, when he talked me through my trepidation and we got rid of our telephone landline, we have been on a steady march to simplify our connectivity.

After 20+ years with at&t, we recently got a deal with t-mobile that was too good to pass up. We had been spending $140 per month for two phones with at&t, mainly because I was afraid to switch and somehow lose my treasured New York 212 cell phone number.

T-mobile has a $70 all in package for two phones for people aged 55+. We took the plunge, my 212 cell phone number is perfectly intact, and we are very very happy.

The t-mobile customer service model (flat pricing including fees, stellar customer service) got me thinking about Comcast again.

There exists no company I detest more, but I’m forced to do business with them because I have no broadband alternative. Their business model is the opposite of t-mobile: horrible customer service, constant reliance on promotional pricing which forces you to call and threaten to cancel each time your deal expires, and deceptive packages that force you to take on services you don’t want or need.

I cut the tv cord with Comcast a couple of years ago, and have a broadband only package with non-promotional pricing. I would dearly love to drop Comcast – hopefully t-mobile and true 5G will make that possible.

In addition to Comcast broadband, we have a few OTT channel packages. Netflix, Amazon Prime, and DirectTV Now. I tried DTVN when at&t offered an ongoing discount, HBO included, and a free Apple TV. I liked the simplicity of the flat fee bill (net $25), the channel selection, and the well-working app.

Now I’ve been off at&t for two billing cycles. But my dtvn discount goes on. No idea when or if it will stop. The monthly fee recently went up $10 a month, so my net fee will be $35 with discount and free hbo. If the at&t discount and free hbo ends, it will be $61 which is waaaaaay too much.

Twice in the last month I canceled dtvn. The first time we tried Sling for a week. Constant buffering and low res connections, a problem we never had with dtvn. So I went back. Then the $10 price hike, and I cancelled again. They sent me an offer to discount my fee by $10 for six months. So I went back again, but they won’t honor the discount code they emailed me because they say I’m already getting an at&t discount. WTH.

I’ve reached out to dtvn via apple business chat, but two days have gone by with no response.

I really think I will end up trying the philo $16 skinny bundle. I don’t need sports and I think I can get by without local channels.

The other option is the AT&T skinny bundle for $15 per month. Given my weird experiences with dtvn, I’m a bit leery to go with what is basically the same company.

I was looking forward to apple’s offering but it holds no interest for me given the scant details they provided.

Frankly I think I need to make the same logical leap I made when dropping the landline. Why do I feel I need to pay to have channels shoveling live television at me? I bet I could get by with Netflix and Prime.

Catching up

• Kirk and I will be celebrating our twentieth anniversary next January, and this site will soon be twenty one. It will be able to drink! And it will.

• I hadn’t paid much attention to the site other than maintaining WordPress updates. But (as happens now and then) I got a cold call offer to sell the URL. It ranks well and has some value. The offer came from the owner of the fabulously named fuckyeahweddings.com – it was hard saying no to the owner of such a URL. But, as always, I did. Sorry, Kendall. Best of luck with your new venture!

• My initial motivation for what became a bit of a site overhaul was taking down my Obama nag for a Mayor Pete nag. I called Obama early, after his first book was published. I’m hoping I go two for two with Mr. Buttigieg (pronounced boot-edge-edge). He impresses me, and it’s time for the new generation to hopefully do better than the boomers did.

• I don’t post on social media anymore. So it’s time for me to throwback, old school style, to an occasional good old fashioned queerspace blog post. Hello world, again.

Septimana horribilis

Not to be too dramatic, but one of the worst weeks in memory.

Monday: fine except of course, it’s Monday.

Tuesday: Kirk’s car broken into, window smashed, birthday present radio stolen. Police refuse to respond to call. Kirk’s dad taken by ambulance to er and admitted to hospital incoherent and in pain.

Wednesday: bought used factory radio on eBay, made appointment with safelite to repair broken window. Kirk’s dad diagnosed with gall bladder issues. Surgery Monday.

Thursday: rear window replaced, cost $275. Kirk starting to not feel well.

Friday: leave for work at 6am to discover that Kirk’s entire car now stolen. Take day off work, deal with police (who come this time), insurance. Kirk flat on his back, unable to go to rehearsal. Never seen him miss rehearsal.

Saturday: most of day running errands for various sick people.

Sunday: Kirk attempts to go to rehearsal with me driving him to allentown; can’t make it. Kirk’s mom not feeling well. Run more errands for sick people. Finish day watching football. Awaiting arrival of useless eBay radio.

So looking forward to work tomorrow. A return to normalcy.

Hello world, part 2

Joined ello today, and the whole experience reminded me of greymatter from a design standpoint, for some odd reason. (Don’t know what greymatter is? The original blogging software. This site was based on it, in the early aughts. Hat tip, Noah grey).

And the ethos of ello has reminded me that too much of my energy is put into facebook. And I should own my content to a greater extent.

So, hello world. Again.

Social security 1, penndot 0

Got our social security cards changed to the new last names today. It was a breeze. Short line, and even though we brought all the required supporting documents, they really didn’t check them. Pretty much just looked at the marriage license and that was it. New cards to arrive in a couple of weeks.

The clerk at social security volunteered that we should take our social security confirmation letters to the DMV and they would change our drivers licenses. We guessed that this would not be the case, but we decided to play dumb and try.

Stop one was the counter to get your line number and application form. She asked why we were there, we told her, she said OK after looking at the marriage license, and gave us the forms and our numbers.

Damn, maybe this will be easy.

Not so fast.

At the window when my number was called, the gentleman told me that the marriage license and social security forms were not valid to change the name. As I suspected.

He went further, though, and told me that there was no way to make the change other than a court order. He elaborated by saying that no papers with our new name would be accepted to make the change.

According to him, the state needs to know why the change was made, not just get proof that it was, and only a court order would do that.

Having done some prior research, I was reasonably sure he was wrong, but since I didn’t have all the supporting docs anyway, I chose not to pursue it.

And indeed, when I got home I found the relevant statute:

67 § 85.1

It states that, in the absence of a court order, a social security card and two supporting items from a list would be sufficient.

I’ll be back, mr. badly-trained DMV worker, with my social security card, my passport, and some banking records.

And a copy of that statute.

Name change thoughts

The odyssey of official name changing begins today with a visit to our local social security office. Doma notwithstanding, the federal government has actually made it pretty easy to make the switch.

Step two will be getting a passport change, which we think will be expensive but straightforward as well.

Armed with those two things, we will march forward with getting more local level things changed, such as voter registration and drivers licenses. With pa’s new voter id law in place, though, we are going to delay that step until after the November elections.

I don’t want to cast a provisional ballot that will probably be ignored, given the possibility of having a mismatch between license and voter registration.

To get the pa drivers licenses we need a passport and something else, such as banking records. So bank will probably get switched to make way for the license.

Apparently the marriage license is useless in pa in that regard, although it paves the way for everything on the federal level just fine.

Go Pennsylvania. What a great state I live in.

There’s a reason we chose to marry in new York — we intend to spend our golden years there. Hopefully sooner rather than later.