so much for optimism.
not only did bush win, but he won due partly, or perhaps even mainly, due to the vast turnout generated by the gay marriage bans, all of which passed by huge margins. even in oregon, which has so successfully beat back these amendments for so many years.
so, in the end, john edwards was right. there are two americas, and i don’t feel like i’m a part of either one of them. it’s been made very clear to me what my status is in america. scapegoat. provocateur. provider of momentum and turnout. and now there’s a whole list of states in my country that i refuse to step foot in again.
or, i guess, what was my country. the country that last night told me to go fuck myself.
there’s the red states with vast majorities of lily white people that care about nothing but their own narrow, bigoted, and ethnocentric view of themselves and what they want this country to turn into, and there separately are the blue states, most of which are vastly populated with what is barely a minority of red people. very few states where anyone with any sense lives in any sizeable numbers. thank god i moved to new york. if i no longer feel that i have a country, at least i have a state.
as i’ve said numerous times in past blogs, i keep trying to remember how i felt in 1984 after reagan won. at least that was expected. i really thought kerry was going to win. so did the pollsters. so did the pundits. so did the networks. i really actually was optimistic, something i nearly never am when it comes to politics. i knew the gay marriage bans would pass everywhere but oregon, but i thought that a kerry win and a defeat of oregon’s discrimination amendment would mitigate it somewhat.
so much for that.
so i’m yo-yo-ing between extreme anger i’m barely able to control, and apathy i’m barely able to muster any energy to even feel. mostly the latter. i’m tired.
not sick and tired. just tired.
if two weeks ago someone had sounded like i’m sounding now, i would, at this point, have said something like that great line from the big chill–“spare me the tragic existential pose.”
sorry. i can’t muster any cynicism at all. i’m past even that.
and that, my friend, is saying something.