jamie lawrence-howard • highly absorbent redundant and superfluous verbiage • clogging tubes since 9.1.98
sounds like an assignment i’d have given my seventh grade english class. yes i taught seventh grade english once. it was hell. an old friend of mine, everett caudle, used to say that kids should stay home during seventh and eighth grades and return to school when they’d gone through puberty and their hormones had somewhat leveled off.
boy was he right.
anyway, my favorite current tv show until last night was “desperate housewives.” but not any more.
Continue reading “my favorite tv show”
i want a mac.
again.
hopefully, the karma fairy will read this and drop a chunk of change in my pocket. my computer, which is a pc, a dell, is several years old. 5+ years old, to be exact. i think.
and it does the job, but i’m dreaming, and while i’m dreaming, i’m drooling. right on the keyboard, every time i go to the apple site, which is more often than i should.
Continue reading “i want a mac”
i just upgraded the software used to run this site (greymatter) to the latest release. please leave comments if you see any errors, but so far it looks pretty airtight.
and for the techy geeks in the house–trackback crap and extra geegaws nothwithstanding, greymatter is still my favorite blogging software. email me and debate me if you disagree.
and by the way…
Continue reading “new software version”
celebrate easter–kill a peep
photo of kirk’s easter pie courtesy of andrew
last night on the subway there was a probably homeless guy panhandling. there’s a lot more of that lately…it always goes up in the wintertime but this year it seems more than usual.
and this guy looked rougher than most. if i have change i sometimes give it to them, sometimes i don’t. don’t tell me they’ll just drink it away. most don’t and so what if they do? what, only rich people can have substance abuse problems? it’s his damn life, and if i want give money for food at the risk that it might not go for food, then it’s my damn life too. in this case, i’ll err on the side of life, as terri schiavo’s parents are so fond of saying.
anyway, i didn’t have change so i didn’t give him anything. but the guy standing next to me looked right at him, and in this louder than necessary voice says “there’s a better way, brother. you need to find jesus.”
and i stood there, wondering, as i honestly sometimes do, “what would jesus do?”
Continue reading “a better way”
i’m gonna be lazy and repost this email i got today. after yesterday’s schiavo-thon post, i think i deserve that.
remember abbott and costello? of course you don’t. well, probably you don’t. their “who’s on first” routine is classic comedy at its best.
here’s the updated version, featuring my favorite president. to bash.
Continue reading “who to hu”
ok, it was a cheap shot.
yes i used that poor vegetable woman to get you to read something i really care about, grammar. but be honest. if i had entitled yesterday’s blog “my grammar nitpicks” you would have blown by it at top speed. great thoughts, or to be honest slightly better than mediocre thoughts, left unread. this will not do.
hence the subterfuge. it’s all about packaging.
so, in the interest of karmic balance or whatever, here’s what i think about terri schiavo.
Continue reading “‘fessin’ up”
well everyone else on the damn internet has weighed in on this, so why not me? my brief note at the end of yesterday’s blog notwithstanding.
i’m glad i waited to write this, because i have a bit more perspective now than if i had blogged about this, say, over the weekend, when, as one of my beloved former students used to say, “fire shot out of my ass.”
or “was shooting”. but that’s not the phrase she used.
Continue reading “terri schiavo”
i used to be vegetarian. hell, i was even a vegan for, like, five years or something. i protested on behalf of the animals for peta, lived my life as an example, gave away my entire leather shoe collection (including the most awesome collection of customized doc martens and goth boots from london that you can imagine), did all the “right” things.
now? i cook more and more meat at home, even though i hypocritically say quite often that i don’t really cook much meat at home.
this weekend, i won a meat tray. and damn was i excited.
Continue reading “the meat tray”
lil’ kim’s conviction caused me to rethink yesterday’s rules, and so, i give to you,
the rap clause: file this as a subpoint to the rule of famous. famous rappers are the exception to the fame rule–they are always convicted. why? ain’t it obvious? it’s a racial thing. there may be times, maybe most times, maybe nearly all times, when rappers are guilty, but i’ll bet that innocent rappers have nevertheless been convicted.
p diddy/puff daddy you say? not a rapper. please.
this, by the way, is an ideal blog entry to gizzogle.
now i’m off to eat lots of birthday pennsylvania dutch excess with the in-laws (and of course the hubby as well.) with apologies to dorothy parker, here’s my take:
oh life is a glorious cycle of food
a medley of extemporanea
discussing your next meal whilst eating’s not rude
and i am marie of roumania
cheers all–happy weekend!
so, with the recent spate of criminal judgments against rich and famous people, i’ve sensed a pattern and can conclusively say that guilt or innocence in the american justice system comes down to one thing.
perception.
and if you think about it, there are apparently hard and fast rules to govern your fate in this system. i’ve thought and thought, and i think these formulas work pretty well. what do you think?
Continue reading “justice in america”
boy, have i been. i know it. it’s not that i don’t want to blog. it’s just that i don’t want to.
Continue reading “derelict in my duty”
a mind is a terrible thing to face.
i have a number of long-standing stories i tell about myself. some of them are on here even. not all, though. as bad comedians say, i’ve got a million of ’em. and, as a bad blogger, so do i.
but i recently got called out, and rightly so, on one of my long-standing stories. and it’s got me thinking about how the brain in general, and my brain in particular, is working.
Continue reading “insane in the membrane”
well, after long last, i am master of my domain. name.
not in the seinfeld sense. i’ve never been master of my domain in that sense for longer than a day or two.
i mean that i’m now the proud owner of jamiehoward dot com. typed out that way to hopefully fool the spammers.
Continue reading “jamiehoward dot com”
mood: cranky? you bet. although i’m not by nature a complainer, or at least try not to be, my leg is killing me and is getting worse. i can’t stand up or walk for more than thirty seconds without shooting pains and whatnot.
so i’m gonna write about something that will make me smile and get my mind off of it. even though i’m sitting down and therefore not in much pain, i’m still thinking about it, and i need to not brood.
hence, necco wafers.
Continue reading “necco wafers”
a new blog?
no, i did not fall off the face of the earth. just very busy with holidays and such. actually, that’s a lie. i was slightly busy with holiday stuff, and mostly just lazy.
Continue reading “spurious restaurant review”
evidently the social security people read my blog, because they have reversed course and decided to accept marriage licenses from straight people who got married in places where gay marriages occurred this past year.
i’m glad they listened to me. now maybe they can extend that logic and accept the gay marriages.
well, hopefully in my lifetime anyway.
first, i was whiny in yesterday’s blog. i was well aware of that. that’s why i blog. now i don’t feel so whiny about it. and thank you for bearing with me.
today, a couple of items that caught my eye and got my goat:
Continue reading “grr this and grr that”
i spent the first 40 years of my life in really good health. and, while i’m not by nature a complainer (although those of you who know me may beg to differ; and you will have to beg, to differ…) i have this to say.
the first two years of life after 40 have not been a picnic for me.
Continue reading “hating pain”
that’s where i was yesterday, instead of blogging like i should have been. well, i guess i could have done both, but i didn’t.
i was at radio city music hall to see the radio city christmas show, with the rockettes. with great seats, thanks to the in-laws.
Continue reading “christmas at radio city”